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Did Your Parents Cause Your Divorce?
I have a big nose. My brother has a big nose. The next two statements should probably come as no surprise then. My mom has a big nose and my dad also had a big nose. It’s safe to say that I come from a long line of non-narrow nostrils. My nose was once likened to a midget doing a split so if you can envision a black faced Peter Dinklage doing his best James Brown impersonation then welcome to my nose. We all acknowledge physical attributes are inherent but it’s true that certain personality traits can also be traced back to your parents’ DNA. Is it far fetched then to assume that the character traits that cause your failed relationships and ultimate divorce also came from mommy and daddy?
It’s amazing the lengths parents go through to get you the proper education so you can have a bountiful career, financial stability and ultimate happiness. It’s amazing the lengths parents go through to totally avoid every aspect of relationships as it relates to their children until a child is a full fledged adult (if they even ever engage). No parent would accept that their child start studying to be a lawyer on the day they applied for the job simply because of the amount of information required to master the craft. Why then do they assume that approach is sensible for relationships? Relationships require just as much skills as any profession, trade, or vocation. A lot of people, however, received no on-the-job training, were left to their own devices then questioned why relationships didn’t work out in their adult lives (You married yet?!?!). If you don’t give your kids relationship skills then don’t give them hell about not being in one.
If you don’t give your kids relationship skills then don’t give them hell about not being in one.
It’s bad enough you may already have the asshole chromosome nestled in your double helix, but now you get to watch those powers unfurl from the creators themselves. When the inherent behavior and the acquired combine, that mix can spell disaster for some couples. So not only did you inherit your dad’s violent temperament, you also learned how to use it by watching him expertly apply anger to all situations.
So once again I’ve taken it upon myself to resolve all of society’s woes (If Barack woulda just called me back, I could’ve resolved the Iran and gay marriage issues within his first week of office). The bad news is you’re an inherent asshole who needs to correct certain behaviors or be doomed to lifetime of failed relationships. The good news is you absolutely can correct those behaviors if you so choose. We here at Crazed Afrykan University have put together a 6 course curriculum to effectively teach children to obtain success in relationships and as soon as the religious zealots and naysayers agree (Which is never), I can roll out the illustrious courses you see below. Until then, you may just have to seek out help for yourself and pass that information on down to your children. You can’t correct your parent’s faults but you can certainly correct yours.
Relationship 101 – What Does It Mean To You?
Getting Over Yourself 201 – Personal Growth and Narcissism
Happiness 102- What Is It and Whose Responsible For Yours?
Dealing with infidelity 320 – Morality in a Modern World
Managing Your Partner’s Finances 103 – Relationship Accounting
How to Not Be like Mom 203 – Behavioral Evolutionary Psychology
SideBar: The answer to the question by the way is no. Your parents did not cause your divorce. You did. Taking ownership regardless of the source is the only way to correct any underlying issues. So to hell with where it came from, focus on where you would like it to go. SideBar Complete
Almost every year for the past 6 years and on the same day, I’ve posted the same pic of me in the hospital during my temporary and untimely demise in 2015. A few weeks after I was back to “normal”, I asked Eric “Why’d you take the pics?” And he said, “I knew you would want to write about it if you lived.” Eric was right. Eric was often right and Eric always had my best interest at heart. I am going to miss my friend.
You ever meet someone and become friends immediately?! Well this was not the case with Eric. Before he was my manager at Morgan Stanley, I would often see this 6’4″, giant white guy walk up to the only black woman at work, say something then walk away without any hint of human emotion. Naturally I thought he was a jerk until I asked her “Yo, is that dude bothering you?” She laughed and proceeded to tell me he was a great person, which I ultimately got to experience first hand. Little did I know this Italian from Staten Island was more Brooklyn than most Brooklynites.
Eric was not with the shits!! If there were ever someone who lived their life in direct, honest and no uncertain terms, that would be Eric. He would ask me questions at work like “Why are the other consultants making more money than you?” I knew the answer to that question and so did he. Eric then proceeded to increase my salary by 15K. After arguing with all our managers that “You need to hire Alfred!”, they eventually did 1 year prior to the 2015 incident. In the hospital, one of my friends asked me, “What if you didn’t have health insurance when this happened?” I would be in debt for the rest of my life is the obvious answer. I still am in debt for the rest of my life but at least, it is to those who made sure I had a more enjoyable life and for that, I will gladly repay.
My mom loved to tell me the story of how she met Eric. After they told her I was going to be in the ICU for some time, she told the doctor “Well I’m not going anywhere.” She then hears a voice from that back of the room that says “Well I’m not going anywhere either!” That was Eric and in true form, he was at that hospital every single day until I was discharged.
Eric passed away in December 2021 of stage 4 cancer. After feeling faint on his way to my bbq, he went to get checked out and was diagnosed. During the past 5 years, Eric lost his mom, twin brother and dad. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like but I’m glad that pain he was feeling is no more.
From being my manager to my business partner, writer, book editor, artistic director, and most importantly, my friend, I am going to miss you MC Krispy E a.k.a “Enrique Pollazo!” And although you told me Enrique means Henry in Spanish and not Eric, it was too late!
Sidebar. The day I was discharged, while everyone was deciding what was best for me, no one had remembered that I would need clothes in order to leave the hospital. Eric shows up (unasked) with all the clothes I had on the day I coded, laundered and ready to go. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve friends like this but i need to keep doing it! Sidebar complete.
Rest in Peace Eric. “Be Good.”
I had the distinct pleasure of participating in a panel discussion on writing your first book, presented by the Harlem chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc. Alongside Jim St. Germain, Author – A Stone of Hope: A Memoir and Dr. Keneshia Nicole Grant, Author – The Great Migration and the Democratic Party: Black Voters and the Realignment of American Politics in the 20th Century. We opined on pain points, benefits and strategies regarding our inaugural voyages into authorship. Feel free to watch for your self and I hope this provides some insight to all those looking to make the same voyage. Enjoy!
