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Help! Gay Marriage Legalized In All 50 States!

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GAY MARRIAGE

The news broke like a Bristol Palin chastity vow. More accurately, I read a post on Facebook while on the crapper at work. Gay marriage was legalized in all 50 states. A chill ran up my spine in anticipation of the horrors that surely awaited.

Mike Huckabee, republican pundits, and Fox News had warned us repeatedly of the dangers involved in letting this happen. The Supreme Court decided to throw caution to the wind, ignore the frantic pleas of the self-righteous, and rule in favor of equality. This meant my marriage, family, and kids were soon to be under attack by a rainbow garnished army hell bent on forcing all manners of atrocities on our nation. I sprang into action determined to not succumb to the scourge of a new group of consenting adults being able to (gasp) happily pursue a life together.

10:00 am– I called my wife. I had to know if we were still married. My ring hadn’t vanished but I couldn’t be sure if the gay marriage bomb didn’t destroy my marriage. Was I back on the market? Were there papers to sign? Who gets the TV? No answer. She was probably dating already. Maybe she was busy creating a Tinder profile. I peered out the window and didn’t see a Walking Dead type mob of gays ferociously feasting on the nuptials of unsuspecting straight couples, but maybe the infection hadn’t spread to my town yet. I decided to send a text with a simple question – are we still married, reply “yes” or “no”.

12:00 pm– It was my lunch break so I decided to run home and check on the dog. I’ve repeatedly heard that if they let gays marry, then bestiality is on the table. Not on my watch. I burst into my house only to find my dog enthusiastically licking his junk. Definitely not the actions of a spoken for beast. Good boy.

gay21:00 pm
– Back at work. None of my male coworkers seemed worried or interested in having gay sex with me. They were pretty much just working as normal. Perhaps it was a trick to get me to drop my guard and allow the gay to seep into my pores without me knowing. Either way, for a world that no longer had morals, these guys were pretty lame.

4:00 pm– Finished my shift unmolested. Maybe I’m just not their type. I jumped in my car and headed to the daycare center to pick up my 5-year-old daughter. Panic set in when I realized that, according to “experts”, my daughter could very well be in danger of a heavy breathing cluster of suitors. It’s been said that legalizing gay marriage means pedophiles will want the right to marry their victims. To my relief, I arrived to find her playing on a swing set with other children. They all seemed completely unaware of the danger they were in. They were more concerned with laughing at a kid that ripped a man-sized fart than they were of any actual men. Relief filled my body and I scooped her up and headed home to bunker down.

4:35 pm– Briefly considered taking advantage of the multiple wives side effect of gay marriage that was now surely acceptable.

4:37 pm– Abandoned previous thought when I realized I have but one bathroom and shower, which I have little access to with just one wife and two daughters.

4:38 pm– Heard a blaring horn. I thought it had to be the biblically fabled trumpet that signaled the end times Pat Robertson predicted to be the outcome of gay marriage. Turns out it was just the car in the lane next to me. It seems I had drifted too close to him while contemplating multiple wives.

5:00 pm– Arrived home to find my wife’s car in the driveway, presumably waiting to be loaded with her belongings she was taking with her in the wake of our newly null and void marriage.

5:05 pm– Found wife my wife inside the house. She promptly asked me WTF my text meant. She seemed both completely unaware and unaffected by the legalization of gay marriage. In fact, everything seemed exactly the way it was. Despite gay marriage being legal, nothing was different at all. I was still married, my kids and animals were fine, and there were no 4 horsemen on the horizon ringing in the apocalypse.

5:06 pm– Breathed a huge sigh of relief and left to go get the milk I forgot to pick up on the way home. I also picked up dinner and planned to eat it while watching some episodes of Modern Family I had DVR’d. I couldn’t help but feel really sad for all the anti-equality people who live every day with the fear I experienced over the last few hours. Seems like a pretty shitty way to live.

10:00 pm– Went to bed comforted by the thought that the world was pretty much the same as when the day started. Well actually, maybe a little bit better.

New-Yorkers-Celebrate-Marriage-Equality-at-Historic-Stonewall-Inn-MusicSnake

 

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Rest Easy Eric Curran a.k.a M.C Krispy E

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Almost every year for the past 6 years and on the same day, I’ve posted the same pic of me in the hospital  during my temporary and untimely demise  in 2015. A few weeks after I was back to “normal”, I asked Eric “Why’d you take the pics?” And he said, “I knew you would want to write about it if you lived.” Eric was right. Eric was often right and Eric always had my best interest at heart. I am going to miss my friend.

You ever meet someone and become friends immediately?! Well this was not the case with Eric. Before he was my manager at Morgan Stanley, I would often see this 6’4″, giant white guy walk up to the only black woman at work, say something then walk away without any hint of human emotion. Naturally I thought he was a jerk until I asked her “Yo, is that dude bothering you?” She laughed and proceeded to tell me he was a great person, which I ultimately got to experience first hand. Little did I know this Italian from Staten Island was more Brooklyn than most Brooklynites.

Eric was not with the shits!! If there were ever someone who lived their life in direct, honest and no uncertain terms, that would be Eric. He would ask me questions at work like “Why are the other consultants making more money than you?” I knew the answer to that question and so did he. Eric then proceeded to increase my salary by 15K. After arguing with all our managers that “You need to hire Alfred!”, they eventually did 1 year prior to the 2015 incident. In the hospital, one of my friends asked me, “What if you didn’t have health insurance when this happened?” I would be in debt for the rest of my life is the obvious answer. I still am in debt for the rest of my life but at least, it is to those who made sure I had a more enjoyable life and for that, I will gladly repay.

My mom loved to tell me the story of how she met Eric. After they told her I was going to be in the ICU for some time, she told the doctor “Well I’m not going anywhere.” She then hears a voice from that back of the room that says “Well I’m not going anywhere either!” That was Eric and in true form, he was at that hospital every single day until I was discharged.

Eric passed away in December 2021 of stage 4 cancer. After feeling faint on his way to my bbq, he went to get checked out and was diagnosed. During the past 5 years, Eric lost his mom, twin brother and dad. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like but I’m glad that pain he was feeling is no more.

It’s been a bit difficult to deal with it to be quite honest and I’ve been writing this in my head for years but never had the bravery or grace to accept that my friend wouldn’t be here soon. I also can’t imagine what it must be like to lose your entire family nucleus unexpectedly. In true Eric fashion however, I would like this to not be about me but whomever has lost someone and has been coping. I’ve always intimated that my life would not be as enriched as it was were it not for the people in it. The problem with that is there is also no way to deny that it feels empty without those who helped craft your path. Rather than focus on the negative, I would rather focus on the examples of duty, family and emotional intelligence. All concepts reinforced by Eric that have led me to have successful relationships since I’ve put them into practice.

From being my manager to my business partner, writer, book editor, artistic director, and most importantly, my friend, I am going to miss you MC Krispy E a.k.a “Enrique Pollazo!” And although you told me Enrique means Henry in Spanish and not Eric, it was too late!

Sidebar. The day I was discharged, while everyone was deciding what was best for me, no one had remembered that I would need clothes in order to leave the hospital. Eric shows up (unasked) with all the clothes I had on the day I coded, laundered and ready to go. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve friends like this but i need to keep doing it! Sidebar complete.

Rest in Peace Eric. “Be Good.”

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Writing Your First Book / Should I Self Publish?

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I had the distinct pleasure of  participating in a panel discussion on writing your first book, presented by the Harlem chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc.  Alongside Jim St. Germain, Author – A Stone of Hope: A Memoir and Dr. Keneshia Nicole Grant, Author – The Great Migration and the Democratic Party: Black Voters and the Realignment of American Politics in the 20th Century.  We opined on pain points, benefits and strategies regarding our inaugural voyages into authorship. Feel free to watch for your self and I hope this provides some insight to all those looking to make the same voyage. Enjoy!

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What the NFT is a BEEPLE?

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On March 11 this year, the digital artist Beeple sold a collage of digital images from his “Everydays” series for nearly 70 million dollars as an NFT, or non-fungible token. And if that sentence confuses you, you’re not alone.

A non-fungible token is a unit of data on a digital ledger called a blockchain, where each NFT can represent a unique digital item, and thus they are not interchangeable. NFTs can represent digital files such as art, audio, video, and other forms of creative work. While the digital files themselves are infinitely reproducible, the NFTs representing them are tracked on their underlying blockchains and provide buyers with proof of ownership.” – Wikipedia

Still confused? Let the artist himself explain it, and learn how he went from NFT newbie to making the third most expensive artwork by a living artist in three months. Not to suggest Beeple is an overnight success. The “Everydays” series alone involved creating a piece of art every day since May 1, 2007 – and he hasn’t missed a day.

Check out some of Beeple’s amazing and controversial work below.

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