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Hip Hop Doesn’t Suck. You’re Just Getting Old!
This a message is from the A.A.R.P. (Association of Aging Rap Phans)
It has come to our attention that a good percentage of Golden era hip hop heads are thoroughly displeased with the modern day emcee. Their incoherent speak, gratuitous pursuit of decadence and overall degradation of the art-form we so painstakingly created is not sitting well with the ancestors (who are still alive as hip hop ain’t even 50 years old yet).
As you come of age and maybe start to shed vital memories that have been augmented by too much St. Ides Malt liquor, Cisco/Sisqo (the drink and the singer, respectively) and multiple Timberland kicks-to-the-temple that time you slipped and fell at the Redman concert, it is our duty to remind you that being born first does not make you or your childhood better than others. Please see below for a list that may help put your mind at ease.
Top 10 signs you’re an old fart and hip hop is doing just fine!
- Lil Kim was a pioneer but Nikki Minaj is a whore in your opinion
- Young Thug makes no sense but Das EFX and the Fu Schnikens spoke perfect English
- The last classic hip hop album you can think of is over 15 years old
- Your playlist now looks like your playlist 10 years ago
- You talk about Nas the way your dad talks about the O’Jays (“Now this some real music youngin’!”)
- Every new artist you hear reminds you of an old artist you heard 20 years ago
- The fact that you have a frame of reference for every new artist that comes out
- The Stanky Leg and the Nay Nay are stupid-ass dances, unlike the Wop or Roger Rabbit, which were stylish and elegant tributes to the ancestors
- The fact that you’re a hip hop fan and not an R&B fan like the generation before you yet still have the nerve to preach about carrying on tradition
- You had gimmicky, terrible rap artist in your era too. You were just too young to realize they were gimmicky and terrible
We realize that as you get older, stronger doses of Nostalgitol are required to keep your ego feeling relevant. We humbly suggest that you either decrease your dosage or switch to 50 milligrams of Appreciatal. Side effects may include enjoying life and accepting your place in history. Please call us if you have any complications.
Regards,
M.C Brittle Bone and the 5 Heartbeats Left
Sidebar; If you focus on Kendrick and J. Cole then hip hop ain’t doing that bad. If you focus on Young Thug then you start dusting off your old Kool Moe Dee tapes. Sidebar Complete.
Back to the Future Sidebar 2; If you focus on Nas and Biggie then hip hop ain’t doing that bad. If you focus on Hammer then you start dusting off your old Freddie Jackson albums. Back to the Future Sidebar Complete.
Almost every year for the past 6 years and on the same day, I’ve posted the same pic of me in the hospital during my temporary and untimely demise in 2015. A few weeks after I was back to “normal”, I asked Eric “Why’d you take the pics?” And he said, “I knew you would want to write about it if you lived.” Eric was right. Eric was often right and Eric always had my best interest at heart. I am going to miss my friend.
You ever meet someone and become friends immediately?! Well this was not the case with Eric. Before he was my manager at Morgan Stanley, I would often see this 6’4″, giant white guy walk up to the only black woman at work, say something then walk away without any hint of human emotion. Naturally I thought he was a jerk until I asked her “Yo, is that dude bothering you?” She laughed and proceeded to tell me he was a great person, which I ultimately got to experience first hand. Little did I know this Italian from Staten Island was more Brooklyn than most Brooklynites.
Eric was not with the shits!! If there were ever someone who lived their life in direct, honest and no uncertain terms, that would be Eric. He would ask me questions at work like “Why are the other consultants making more money than you?” I knew the answer to that question and so did he. Eric then proceeded to increase my salary by 15K. After arguing with all our managers that “You need to hire Alfred!”, they eventually did 1 year prior to the 2015 incident. In the hospital, one of my friends asked me, “What if you didn’t have health insurance when this happened?” I would be in debt for the rest of my life is the obvious answer. I still am in debt for the rest of my life but at least, it is to those who made sure I had a more enjoyable life and for that, I will gladly repay.
My mom loved to tell me the story of how she met Eric. After they told her I was going to be in the ICU for some time, she told the doctor “Well I’m not going anywhere.” She then hears a voice from that back of the room that says “Well I’m not going anywhere either!” That was Eric and in true form, he was at that hospital every single day until I was discharged.
Eric passed away in December 2021 of stage 4 cancer. After feeling faint on his way to my bbq, he went to get checked out and was diagnosed. During the past 5 years, Eric lost his mom, twin brother and dad. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like but I’m glad that pain he was feeling is no more.
From being my manager to my business partner, writer, book editor, artistic director, and most importantly, my friend, I am going to miss you MC Krispy E a.k.a “Enrique Pollazo!” And although you told me Enrique means Henry in Spanish and not Eric, it was too late!
Sidebar. The day I was discharged, while everyone was deciding what was best for me, no one had remembered that I would need clothes in order to leave the hospital. Eric shows up (unasked) with all the clothes I had on the day I coded, laundered and ready to go. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve friends like this but i need to keep doing it! Sidebar complete.
Rest in Peace Eric. “Be Good.”
I had the distinct pleasure of participating in a panel discussion on writing your first book, presented by the Harlem chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc. Alongside Jim St. Germain, Author – A Stone of Hope: A Memoir and Dr. Keneshia Nicole Grant, Author – The Great Migration and the Democratic Party: Black Voters and the Realignment of American Politics in the 20th Century. We opined on pain points, benefits and strategies regarding our inaugural voyages into authorship. Feel free to watch for your self and I hope this provides some insight to all those looking to make the same voyage. Enjoy!
