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The Groupy Awards!
Good evening, ladies and gentleman! My name is Rah Rah Jenkins and I’ll be your host tonight on the first annual Hip Hop Groupy Awards! Tonight’s show is being broadcast live on the EBT Network. Despite what the name suggests, this awards show is not to celebrate the accomplishments of Kat Stacks or Superhead. This is for actual groups who perform on an actual mic. So many award shows pay homage to individual performers but this award show is specific to your favorite rap groups! So with out further adieu, let’s get to the categories;
The “B Rad” Award – Least Believable / “We Don’t Believe You, You Need More People”
- Insane Clown Posse
- Onyx
- Poor Righteous Teachers
- P.M. Dawn
The “Don’t Get Your Hopes Up” Award – Most Likely to Break Up and Get Back Together Then Break Up Again
- EPMD
- A Tribe Call Quest
- The Fugees
- Wu-Tang
The “Please, just take my wallet and go.” Award – Most Likely to Whoop Your Ass in a Dark Alley
- LOX
- MOP
- G-Unit
- Junior M.A.F.I.A
- All of the Above
The “Not You Again!” Award – Most Likely to Tune Out During His / Her Verse
- Dinco D – Leaders of the New School
- Moc Fu – Fu-Schnikens
- Joe Budden – Slaughterhouse
The Willie Nelson Award – Most Marijuana Consumption
- Dogg Pound
- Flatbush Zombies
- Wu Tang Feat. Redman
- Cypress Hill
The “Party of How Many??!?” Award – Most Members and Affiliates
- Wu Tang
- Native Tongues: Jungle Brothers / ATCQ / LONS / Black Sheep
- Boot Camp Clik: /Black Moon / Smif & Wessun / Original Gun Clappers / Heltah Skeltah
- Sugar Hill Gang
- D.I.T.C
The Popeye vs. Mush Mouth Award – Least Likely to be Understood
- Fu – Schnickens
- Bone Thugs and Harmony
- Das Efx
- Field Mob
- Ying Yang Twins
INTERMISSION:
And now, please put your hands together for our special performance of the night……
We now return to our regularly scheduled program…
The Iron Mic Award – Most Time Spent in the Gym
- Full Force ( I know they’re R&B but I’ll let you tell them that)
- G – Unit
- Naughty by Nature (ok, just Treach)
The Iron Skillet Award – Least Time Spent in the Gym
- De La Soul
- Boo Ya Tribe
- Fat Boys
The “I Didn’t Even Know You Were Really in the Group / What Exactly Do You Do in the Group Anyway?” Award
- Jarobi- ATCQ
- U God – Wu Tang
- Spliff Starr – Flipmode
- The Third Guy in the Neptunes (no not Chad, the other one)
The Shawshank Redemption Award – Most Collective Time Spent Incarcerated
- Dipset
- G Unit
- Wu Tang
- Ruff Ryders
The “Bare Minimum” Award – Least Members in a Group
- Gangstarr
- Outkast
- Eric B and Rakim
- Dead Prez
The Ninja Award – Who Wears the Color Black a Whoooole Lot?!
- Public Enemy
- Cypress Hill
- N.W.A
- Run DMC
The ” I Hope Radio Shack is Still Open” Award – Most Microphones Required During a Performance
- Goodie Mobb
- The Original Three 6 Mafia (the Crunchy Black edition)
- The Hot Boyz
- The Roots
- Brand Nubian
The One Night Stand Award – How Long Were You Guys a Group Before Calling It Quits?
- The Firm
- Blackstarr
- Child Rebel Soldier
Unfortunately we will have to cut the awards show short as several altercations have broken out backstage. In the meantime, please cast your vote and if I survive the backlash, I’ll post the winners. See you next year and thank you for coming out to…OH SH*T! “Which one of y’all rappers just kicked me?”
ICP, Take us out with some Miracles!!
Almost every year for the past 6 years and on the same day, I’ve posted the same pic of me in the hospital during my temporary and untimely demise in 2015. A few weeks after I was back to “normal”, I asked Eric “Why’d you take the pics?” And he said, “I knew you would want to write about it if you lived.” Eric was right. Eric was often right and Eric always had my best interest at heart. I am going to miss my friend.
You ever meet someone and become friends immediately?! Well this was not the case with Eric. Before he was my manager at Morgan Stanley, I would often see this 6’4″, giant white guy walk up to the only black woman at work, say something then walk away without any hint of human emotion. Naturally I thought he was a jerk until I asked her “Yo, is that dude bothering you?” She laughed and proceeded to tell me he was a great person, which I ultimately got to experience first hand. Little did I know this Italian from Staten Island was more Brooklyn than most Brooklynites.
Eric was not with the shits!! If there were ever someone who lived their life in direct, honest and no uncertain terms, that would be Eric. He would ask me questions at work like “Why are the other consultants making more money than you?” I knew the answer to that question and so did he. Eric then proceeded to increase my salary by 15K. After arguing with all our managers that “You need to hire Alfred!”, they eventually did 1 year prior to the 2015 incident. In the hospital, one of my friends asked me, “What if you didn’t have health insurance when this happened?” I would be in debt for the rest of my life is the obvious answer. I still am in debt for the rest of my life but at least, it is to those who made sure I had a more enjoyable life and for that, I will gladly repay.
My mom loved to tell me the story of how she met Eric. After they told her I was going to be in the ICU for some time, she told the doctor “Well I’m not going anywhere.” She then hears a voice from that back of the room that says “Well I’m not going anywhere either!” That was Eric and in true form, he was at that hospital every single day until I was discharged.
Eric passed away in December 2021 of stage 4 cancer. After feeling faint on his way to my bbq, he went to get checked out and was diagnosed. During the past 5 years, Eric lost his mom, twin brother and dad. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like but I’m glad that pain he was feeling is no more.
From being my manager to my business partner, writer, book editor, artistic director, and most importantly, my friend, I am going to miss you MC Krispy E a.k.a “Enrique Pollazo!” And although you told me Enrique means Henry in Spanish and not Eric, it was too late!
Sidebar. The day I was discharged, while everyone was deciding what was best for me, no one had remembered that I would need clothes in order to leave the hospital. Eric shows up (unasked) with all the clothes I had on the day I coded, laundered and ready to go. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve friends like this but i need to keep doing it! Sidebar complete.
Rest in Peace Eric. “Be Good.”
I had the distinct pleasure of participating in a panel discussion on writing your first book, presented by the Harlem chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc. Alongside Jim St. Germain, Author – A Stone of Hope: A Memoir and Dr. Keneshia Nicole Grant, Author – The Great Migration and the Democratic Party: Black Voters and the Realignment of American Politics in the 20th Century. We opined on pain points, benefits and strategies regarding our inaugural voyages into authorship. Feel free to watch for your self and I hope this provides some insight to all those looking to make the same voyage. Enjoy!
