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Slut Shaming – The Ol’ Double Standard
In 2015, why is slut shaming even a ‘thing’ any more? I cannot understand for the life of me what gives certain people the right to judge a woman based on what she does with her own body, particularly when it comes to sex. Newsflash folks, sex is an enjoyable thing. If men can freely engage, without negative judgment, as many sexual partners as they can “conquer,” why are women always held to a different standard?
Men, I am going to take a guess and say that women did not sign up for this imaginary pedestal that you have placed them on. Expecting women to live up to the standards that you have set up for them based on YOUR definition of what morally upright is, is not only unfair and sexist, it is hypocritical as well. When it comes to the sexual conquest of men, they are mounted on the shoulders of their cohorts and paraded around the streets chanting, “he’s a pimp, he’s a playa, he’s the bearded-clam slayer.” In almost ALL cases, men are lauded for their promiscuity. But one or one hundred, women are often defined, categorized, and negatively judged based on how many relationships they have had, whether sexual or not.
Two Women, Same Guy, But They’re The “Sluts”.
We like to think of our closest female family members as untarnished goods. I mean I get it to some extent. As men, we all have mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. and nothing is worse that imagining that Mom was once a hot piece of ass that may have made the rounds and a name for herself in the old neighborhood before settling down with dear ‘ol Dad. But is it fair to project this image of purity and innocence onto the women that we date or in a lot of cases, women that are public figures that we don’t even know? (See; Amber Rose or any Kardashian sister) Why aren’t they allowed to explore their sexuality and give in to their sexual desires at the same level as their male counterparts?
What’s even more perplexing to me is the woman-on-woman bashing. One individual’s actions are not a reflection upon your whole gender and even less of a reflection upon you… so why do you even care if the outfit she’s wearing makes her look “trashy” or if the amount of makeup she’s wearing makes her look like a street walker?
All I’m trying to say is that women should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies without the world passing judgment on their character. Lots of sex between consenting adults doesn’t make you a bad person. Does it make you a horny person? Yes. Does it make you a hungry person? Well it is a lot of cardio so, yes… but definitely not a slut. To the “promiscuous” ladies out there, you don’t need my permission of course but do your thing and have fun while you can. Until the people with their noses turned up in the air can give valid reasons as to why you should change your ways, simply do you.
Almost every year for the past 6 years and on the same day, I’ve posted the same pic of me in the hospital during my temporary and untimely demise in 2015. A few weeks after I was back to “normal”, I asked Eric “Why’d you take the pics?” And he said, “I knew you would want to write about it if you lived.” Eric was right. Eric was often right and Eric always had my best interest at heart. I am going to miss my friend.
You ever meet someone and become friends immediately?! Well this was not the case with Eric. Before he was my manager at Morgan Stanley, I would often see this 6’4″, giant white guy walk up to the only black woman at work, say something then walk away without any hint of human emotion. Naturally I thought he was a jerk until I asked her “Yo, is that dude bothering you?” She laughed and proceeded to tell me he was a great person, which I ultimately got to experience first hand. Little did I know this Italian from Staten Island was more Brooklyn than most Brooklynites.
Eric was not with the shits!! If there were ever someone who lived their life in direct, honest and no uncertain terms, that would be Eric. He would ask me questions at work like “Why are the other consultants making more money than you?” I knew the answer to that question and so did he. Eric then proceeded to increase my salary by 15K. After arguing with all our managers that “You need to hire Alfred!”, they eventually did 1 year prior to the 2015 incident. In the hospital, one of my friends asked me, “What if you didn’t have health insurance when this happened?” I would be in debt for the rest of my life is the obvious answer. I still am in debt for the rest of my life but at least, it is to those who made sure I had a more enjoyable life and for that, I will gladly repay.
My mom loved to tell me the story of how she met Eric. After they told her I was going to be in the ICU for some time, she told the doctor “Well I’m not going anywhere.” She then hears a voice from that back of the room that says “Well I’m not going anywhere either!” That was Eric and in true form, he was at that hospital every single day until I was discharged.
Eric passed away in December 2021 of stage 4 cancer. After feeling faint on his way to my bbq, he went to get checked out and was diagnosed. During the past 5 years, Eric lost his mom, twin brother and dad. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like but I’m glad that pain he was feeling is no more.
From being my manager to my business partner, writer, book editor, artistic director, and most importantly, my friend, I am going to miss you MC Krispy E a.k.a “Enrique Pollazo!” And although you told me Enrique means Henry in Spanish and not Eric, it was too late!
Sidebar. The day I was discharged, while everyone was deciding what was best for me, no one had remembered that I would need clothes in order to leave the hospital. Eric shows up (unasked) with all the clothes I had on the day I coded, laundered and ready to go. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve friends like this but i need to keep doing it! Sidebar complete.
Rest in Peace Eric. “Be Good.”
I had the distinct pleasure of participating in a panel discussion on writing your first book, presented by the Harlem chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc. Alongside Jim St. Germain, Author – A Stone of Hope: A Memoir and Dr. Keneshia Nicole Grant, Author – The Great Migration and the Democratic Party: Black Voters and the Realignment of American Politics in the 20th Century. We opined on pain points, benefits and strategies regarding our inaugural voyages into authorship. Feel free to watch for your self and I hope this provides some insight to all those looking to make the same voyage. Enjoy!
