“When a young boy accidentally triggers the universeās most lethal huntersā return to Earth, only a ragtag crew of ex-soldiers and a disgruntled science teacher can prevent the end of the human race.”
The movies that made my childhood great continue to get tarnished for a profit. First Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, now this. When they announced that another Predator movie was coming out this year, I let out my first exhausted sigh since I saw a Predator running side by side with Sanaa Lathan. The only thing that piqued my interest is that the prestigious Hollywood writer and original Predator alum, Shane Black was writing and directing this film. Lo and behold, not even Mr. Black could save this movie.
Before I get into my dislikes in this film, lets talk about the state of monsters in movies. Making a bigger hybrid of the original does not officially make a better movie. Typically these hybrids tend to stifle themselves by having all these new superpowers they canāt even use to dominate the unevolved human species, and find a way to self-implode, thus making them useless as a threat or even close to an iconic character.
Subtly is what made the first one great.
Now, in regards to the Predator seriesā¦itās over. I know this film tried to open itself up to a sequel, but no. Leave it alone. Weāve watered it down way too much. What made the first film amazing was the ambiguity of the Predator. We didnāt know what it was or why it was killing people. In essence, we were drawn closer to the movie because we didnātĀ see the monster until the 3rd act. After we saw its face and knew its intentions, the magic was gone. Thatās why every other Predator movie paled in comparison.
Now this film in particular, it overcompensated by trying to be the biggest Predator movie without realizing that subtly is what made the first one great. It told you the Predatorās intentions way before we needed to know, and even tried to turn it into a social commentary. Listen, Iām here to see a Predator movie, not get beat over the head with the state of our planetā¦again.
What I found annoying is that everyone was so amazing at deciphering the Predators intentions, physical makeup, language, purpose, and weaponry with the smallest clues and all of a sudden they knew everything there was to know about these creatures. The speed and precision that these areas were identified were just way too convenient.
Okay, the little kid, Jacob Tremblay. Iāve done reviews of his movies before and I think heās a great actor, but why the hell do we have a kid in a Predator movie??? You know heās safe, and it changes the whole dynamic because now you know the adults are going to appease to the kid and turn this movie into something more friendlier than what we were expecting.
Overall Grade: D
As the movie went on, my grade got worse. The original Predator in this film was bad-ass enough, but introducing the hybrid Predator actually worsened the value of the movie. With that, the acting got worse and the plot conveniences got better and turned this movie into a big pile of Predator dung. They tried to resort to comedy and forgot that this film was originally a testosterone-filled horror/action thriller that was unforgiving to human sympathies and catered to the realities of brutal warfare. Also, another Predator film that failed to have a Schwarzenegger cameo. Remember, Dutch NEVER DIED!!!
Bonus Feature: Best Predator movies in order.
6.Ā Predator 2
5. Predator vs. Alien
4. The Predator
3. Predator vs. Alien 2
2. Predators (go see this one instead. Itās a lot better)
1. Predator (the best one, period)
The Predator Action, Adventure, (Horror)
September 2018
Director: Shane Black
20th Century Fox
1 hour 47 minutes
IMDB referenceĀ click here
Godzilla vs. Kong reminds me that I was an idiot as a child. I allowed the 4:30 Movie too significant a piece of my brain pie. I existed in a headspace where The Planet of the Apes and Gamera were more science than fiction. I was certain skyscraper-sized monsters lived in the woods a few blocks away, and that ghosts were under my bed. Somewhere in possibility-land, a black and white Lon Chaney slowly becomes a werewolf in a handful of dissolving frames.
Cut to my final form, and I can’t help but think these movies are just a total waste of time and resources. Sure, the effects can be impressive but often they have as much weight as a video game. Buildings smash into dust, an actor says a line against a green screen, then Kong sits on a throne like a stereotypical king. Ah doi!
Sure, the hollow Earth with upside-down mountains in the sky is cool – but where’s that sun coming from? The MechaGodzilla fight has some great effects, but you can watch those on Youtube without having to sit through a bunch of lines like “Kong bows to no one.”
Maybe I just can’t enjoy normal human things anymore.
Summary: The epic next chapter in the cinematic Monsterverse pits two of the greatest icons in motion picture history against one another - the fearsome Godzilla and the mighty Kong - with humanity caught in the balance.
Countries: USA, Australia, Canada, IndiaLanguages: English, American Sign Language
Bucky Barnes will change his name to Summer Soldier Buckquan because āNah son! we aināt doing sh*t in the winter!ā
Fearing for their lives, Police officers will fire 751 shots at Cap in the 4th of many incidents to come.
In a new altered timeline, Thanos will win due to Cap being detained by a routine traffic stop. āHow can you afford Vibraniun on a government salary? Please step out of the vehicle sir.ā
Captain America will form a Rap group with Black Panther called āBlack-America.ā The group will not be received well but will eventually have all their intellectual property stolen for decades to come without any due repar… I mean royalties. #MESSAGE
Racists will be utterly confused when they tell Captain America to āGo back to where you came from.ā Equally confused, Cap will pack up all his belongings and stay put.
Cap will be accused of stealing Thorās hammer the next time he picks it up.
Capās shield will be replaced with a Vibraniun PlayStation Controller since black men are more comfortable throwing that.
The battle decree will officially be changed from āAvengers Assembleā to āYerrrrr! Itās on sight!ā
After 40 years of service, Cap will travel back in time to 1998 to finally get that last dance with his true love, Laura Winslow. They will Cha Cha Slide to āBefore I let Goā as the credits role.
Upon retirement, those jaded with having an Af-Am do such an amazing job will appoint a failed real estate charlatan to take up the mantle. The New Cap will immediately try and grab Scarlet by her āJohanssonā and declare himself the best Captain America that ever did it during his inauguration.
It is clear that Chadwick Boseman chose iconic roles like Thurgood Marshall, James Brown, Jackie Robinson and Black Panther with deliberate intent and for a specific purpose. In an age where positive roles for Black actors is often sparse, Chadwick managed to land and portray historical figures that made most respect his talents if not revel in his ability to transition effortlessly for one character to another. Even I had to give his African accent a solid B+ (Itās the highest grade the Nigerian Standards Bureau can give for an African accent to a non African FYI.)
Holding out and preparing for these dynamic roles came with both great frustration and incredible resolve Iām certain. Not to mention the taxing ordeal of battling Colon Cancer as the grueling scheduling of filming and increasing responsibility for positive representation loomed. Even under extreme duress, Chadwick’s commitment to others appeared to outweigh his own tribulations, unbeknownst to us all.
Black Panther may have been just a movie to some and that may be because some can easily rattle off 10 movies with a king of non Af-Am origin. It represented a lot more to others. Albeit imagined, imagery on cinema often accomplishes more to augment the social narrative and society itself than actual reality. If negative stereotypes influence perception then positive ones absolutely have the same converse effect.
Even in jest, the cultural misappropriation of raisins in potato salad on SNL skits directly spoke to the tampering of black culture to which Tāchalla championed, represented and aptly responded āOh hell Nah Karen!ā
If you donāt understand the relevance of representation, itās probably because you are thoroughly represented. After all, no one is ever grateful for every breath they take until they are gasping for air.
R.I.P Chadwick Boseman. Thank you for breathing life into the possibility of Black excellence.