People who involve themselves in contracts without understanding the terms and conditions are bound to encounter issues down the line. Comprehending the obligations presented in a written or verbal doctrine is a basic (and primary) tenet of contract negotiations. You know exactly how many chicken nuggets are supposed to be in your value meal and you will graciously burn that Mc’Establishment to the ground should they misplace a single nug. Yet, we’ve all made the same mistakes when it comes to negotiating monogamous relationship contracts; No one ever addresses frequency!
Within the confines of a relationship, it is expected that you engage sexually with one, and only one, person. This stipulation is clear, concise and widely understood. No one discusses however, how much sex you would like to have with your partner. Funny how we speak of quality without batting an eyelash (“How was I?”) but no mention of quantity. What good is amazing sex if it occurs as frequently as Game of Throne’s episodes? If 7- 8 times a year is the net amount of sexual encounters with your mate, winter may be the only thing coming.
You wouldn’t accept a job that told you what you would be doing but did not specify frequency or pay rate. It’s also a recipe for disaster to expect an employee to show up whenever and wherever you requested. So how come we try to apply these unspoken rules to relationships and expect them to work?
If you knew your wife was only going to have sex once every 2 months, would you have married her? If you knew your husband wanted to have sex during every commercial break of every show, would you have married him? Some may say those levels of infrequency border ridiculous but given the amount of relationships that end as a result of infidelity in which infrequency plays a role, is it really a crazy notion to have the discussion to set and manage expectations?
What good is amazing sex if it occurs as frequently as Game of Throne’s episodes?
Feeling your partner up, er…I mean out, which is most often common practice during the courtship phase, seems like a logical method of determining sexual frequency/compatibility. Unfortunately, you are probably having sex every free second you can get your hands on each other in the initial stages so to assume your sexual rampage will continue at that rate is almost a recipe for disaster. There aren’t enough condoms at Walmart to sustain this pace and you may fracture her vertebrae attempting to do so. Blown backs aside, the best you can do is probably just have a conversation and hope both parties are honest with themselves and have at least assessed their own desires before attempting to make someone else responsible for fulling them.
When dating, we tend to ask for what I believe to be idiotic requisites. Let me guess; you want to be with someone that is smart, funny, attractive, caring, etc.. What the hell does that even mean? Was there ever a time in your life that you (or anyone) were in search of an ignorant, troll faced heathen of a person to form a happy union? The answer is undoubtedly “Hell to the No!” You want someone to fit these qualifications as you see fit. It is very important that you always keep that in mind. There isn’t a pool of candidates just sitting there that you can’t seem to obtain. You are looking for something that is very specific and that you conjured up in your imagination. Don’t get upset at an entire gender or the “Dating game” when you can’t find what you are looking for. Maybe we should start asking questions and looking for actual building blocks relevant to a healthy relationship and not canned ideals of what a worthy mate should be.
Sidebar; This article was not written to justify infidelity. The intent of this is to open dialogue to avoid future transgressions, not rationalize them. Its amazing what one discovers when you revisit desires you believe have been addressed but were only assumed. Sidebar Complete.
Chadwick Boseman Forever!!
It is clear that Chadwick Boseman chose iconic roles like Thurgood Marshall, James Brown, Jackie Robinson and Black Panther with deliberate intent and for a specific purpose. In an age where positive roles for Black actors is often sparse, Chadwick managed to land and portray historical figures that made most respect his talents if not revel in his ability to transition effortlessly for one character to another. Even I had to give his African accent a solid B+ (It’s the highest grade the Nigerian Standards Bureau can give for an African accent to a non African FYI.)
Holding out and preparing for these dynamic roles came with both great frustration and incredible resolve I’m certain. Not to mention the taxing ordeal of battling Colon Cancer as the grueling scheduling of filming and increasing responsibility for positive representation loomed. Even under extreme duress, Chadwick’s commitment to others appeared to outweigh his own tribulations, unbeknownst to us all.
Black Panther may have been just a movie to some and that may be because some can easily rattle off 10 movies with a king of non Af-Am origin. It represented a lot more to others. Albeit imagined, imagery on cinema often accomplishes more to augment the social narrative and society itself than actual reality. If negative stereotypes influence perception then positive ones absolutely have the same converse effect.
Even in jest, the cultural misappropriation of raisins in potato salad on SNL skits directly spoke to the tampering of black culture to which T’challa championed, represented and aptly responded “Oh hell Nah Karen!”
If you don’t understand the relevance of representation, it’s probably because you are thoroughly represented. After all, no one is ever grateful for every breath they take until they are gasping for air.
R.I.P Chadwick Boseman. Thank you for breathing life into the possibility of Black excellence.
Let’s Argue About Kamala Harris
Ok, Now let’s argue;
1. “She locked up black men!” Kamala didn’t lock up black men. She was a prosecutor in a racist criminal justice system that TARGETS black men / minorities. There’s a difference. She did her job and she is no more culpable for incarcerating black men than EVERY SINGLE EMPLOYEE of the criminal justice system. Please find me a prior candidate that isn’t guilty of buttressing racist practices to some capacity (Stop & Frisk, Super Predators, Busing, etc…)
2. “She’s not qualified.” Kamala is more qualified to be VP (and President) than Barack was to be President when he ran initially, and more qualified than both the current occupants of the Oval office.
3. “They only picked her because she’s a black woman and they are pandering!” Congratulations!! That’s called influence!! Get used to being considered if you ever want true representation. Who do you think they’ve been pandering to for the past 244 years?
4. “She’s not black enough.” She’s blacker than the last 45 VPs and 44/45 last Presidents. Also, I’m still waiting for my copy of the “How to be Black and Influence People, Yo!” manual that everyone else seems to have received at birth.
5. “Her politics do not align with mine!” Yet you found a way to vote for prior candidates whose politics obliterated your community. If you believe in democracy, her politics are more closely aligned to yours than 45.
6. “This has nothing to do with her being a woman. She’s just not the right woman for the job!” The right woman for the job is the woman that is qualified, available and chosen for the job. Also, not acknowledging her gender is akin to “I don’t see color;” wholly dismissive.
7. “I just don’t like her.” You don’t know her and she probably wouldn’t like you either. The only thing you need to like is if she is better for you than the current occupants.
8. “She attacked Joe Biden during the debates and now their friends? FOH!” You know Barack’s Secretary of State was Hilary Clinton who he ran against in the prior election right?
9. “No one above the age of 21 is morally fit to run for office.” If you lived in the U.S., you’ve propped up institutions that are not in your best interest on countless occasions. In other words, NO ONE is in a position to judge moral aptitude, not even the 99 percenters who complained about the 1% on Facebook using the iPhones they ordered on Amazon. #irony
10. “She doesn’t inspire me!” Are you voting for a motivational speaker or a politician that will help normalize current conditions?
“Keeping it real” is not a skill. It just means you are easily susceptible to your own emotions. Everyone’s so eager to tell the world how they really feel but this is not a feeling competition. This is politics. After you’re done pretending to like your boss to get that promotion and pretending to like someone to get sex, money, or attention, you turn around and decide to “keep it real” because you are …”honest?” In the illustrious words of Nikki Giovanni, “Lie to Me.”
Sidebar; I was personally riding with Val Demings just in case you think I am defending my own choice. Now I’m riding for Kamala. Plain and simple. Until there is equal representation, we don’t have the luxury of division so in the illustrious words of Issa Rae “I’m rooting for everybody Black!” Sidebar Complete.
OPEN LETTER TO CONGRESS
Dear Members of Congress,
The tipping point is here and we need to put aside our political differences to save this country right now! Silence and remaining behind party lines is no longer an option. A unified address by our elected officials in Congress on the issue of police brutality and equality under the rule of law is required to begin the healing process as well as ensure the future of this nation.
There are three steps that immediately need to be taken to bring this to fruition. The arrest and charging of the three remaining individuals involved in the death of George Floyd must occur as the first step of good faith. The second step requires clear and transparent action items stated to the public in order to address the issues at hand. Those action items should include:
- The revision of Qualified Immunity to specifically address the problematic assertion that “Qualified Immunity means that government officials can get away with violating your rights as long as they violate them in a way nobody thought before – Institute of Justice“
- The reforming of Civilian Review Boards with the purpose of increasing the decision-making abilities on the disposition and discipline of police officers.
The third step is the creation and funding of a systemic racism task force with the goal of dismantling systemic racism.
- Accelerating judicial system reform
- Equating the public education system
- Eliminating redlining
These are just the preliminary steps that will begin the framework of the changes we need enacted to better the experiment called the United States.
I look forward to seeing a response in the form of action on the behalf of the citizens of this country.