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The Funny Thing About Suicide

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The Funny Thing About Suicide

The Funny Thing About SuicideI, like many, have lost my fair share of family and friends at far too young of an age for various reasons ranging from car or motorcycle accidents to medical conditions. What I have never experienced however, is the loss of a friend by his or her own hand and by their own choice.

The Funny Thing About SuicideI have always been puzzled by what could cause someone to take their own life, particularly in my younger years before life experience and empathy had yet to impart their wisdom upon me. I specifically recall a time when I was in the military and was attending a mandatory function about suicide awareness and prevention where a senior officer had tried to explain to my unit, what things would drive a person to such a feeling of loss and hopelessness. She had mentioned many things
 from anxiety, fear and depression to chemical imbalance, emotional trauma and physical ailments. None of it seemed logical to me at the time. I thought to myself ‘what an ego…we all have problems, get over it’ and ‘how could someone be so weak?’ Don’t you realize that you have people that care about you? How could you do this to them?!

The Funny Thing About SuicideSince that time, some 20 plus years ago, my views on the subject of depression and suicide have changed drastically to say the least. While I consider myself fortunate to had never have someone I know take their own life, I am not naïve enough to believe that in my wide circle of friends, family and acquaintances, that there is not one among them who has thought about it at least once. Coming to that realization later on in life has caused me to do a complete 180. I have gone from ‘ how can a person that commits suicide be so selfish?’ to ‘how can I be so selfish?’

The Funny Thing About SuicideThe funny thing about suicide is that we rarely stop to think about it from the real victims point of view because most of us believe that WE are the victims of our loved ones act of selfishness. I am almost ashamed to have held this point of view at one time, but I blame it on being young, unlearned and naive. On more than one occasion I have privately messaged a friend to ask if they were ok, due to a status update on social media. I would hate to think that a loved one needed me and all they wanted was someone to talk to… someone to listen to them and I had somehow missed the signs and ignored their cry for help.

When I think about it, what bothers me the most about the thought of losing a loved one in this manner is the fact that that they feel like they could not come to me for help. It makes me feel as though they think I am unworthy of hearing their inner most feelings or that I am not capable of helping them to fight their inner demons. So NOW who has the ego and is being selfish?

The Funny Thing About Suicide

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Rest Easy Eric Curran a.k.a M.C Krispy E

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Almost every year for the past 6 years and on the same day, I’ve posted the same pic of me in the hospital  during my temporary and untimely demise  in 2015. A few weeks after I was back to “normal”, I asked Eric “Why’d you take the pics?” And he said, “I knew you would want to write about it if you lived.” Eric was right. Eric was often right and Eric always had my best interest at heart. I am going to miss my friend.

You ever meet someone and become friends immediately?! Well this was not the case with Eric. Before he was my manager at Morgan Stanley, I would often see this 6’4″, giant white guy walk up to the only black woman at work, say something then walk away without any hint of human emotion. Naturally I thought he was a jerk until I asked her “Yo, is that dude bothering you?” She laughed and proceeded to tell me he was a great person, which I ultimately got to experience first hand. Little did I know this Italian from Staten Island was more Brooklyn than most Brooklynites.

Eric was not with the shits!! If there were ever someone who lived their life in direct, honest and no uncertain terms, that would be Eric. He would ask me questions at work like “Why are the other consultants making more money than you?” I knew the answer to that question and so did he. Eric then proceeded to increase my salary by 15K. After arguing with all our managers that “You need to hire Alfred!”, they eventually did 1 year prior to the 2015 incident. In the hospital, one of my friends asked me, “What if you didn’t have health insurance when this happened?” I would be in debt for the rest of my life is the obvious answer. I still am in debt for the rest of my life but at least, it is to those who made sure I had a more enjoyable life and for that, I will gladly repay.

My mom loved to tell me the story of how she met Eric. After they told her I was going to be in the ICU for some time, she told the doctor “Well I’m not going anywhere.” She then hears a voice from that back of the room that says “Well I’m not going anywhere either!” That was Eric and in true form, he was at that hospital every single day until I was discharged.

Eric passed away in December 2021 of stage 4 cancer. After feeling faint on his way to my bbq, he went to get checked out and was diagnosed. During the past 5 years, Eric lost his mom, twin brother and dad. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like but I’m glad that pain he was feeling is no more.

It’s been a bit difficult to deal with it to be quite honest and I’ve been writing this in my head for years but never had the bravery or grace to accept that my friend wouldn’t be here soon. I also can’t imagine what it must be like to lose your entire family nucleus unexpectedly. In true Eric fashion however, I would like this to not be about me but whomever has lost someone and has been coping. I’ve always intimated that my life would not be as enriched as it was were it not for the people in it. The problem with that is there is also no way to deny that it feels empty without those who helped craft your path. Rather than focus on the negative, I would rather focus on the examples of duty, family and emotional intelligence. All concepts reinforced by Eric that have led me to have successful relationships since I’ve put them into practice.

From being my manager to my business partner, writer, book editor, artistic director, and most importantly, my friend, I am going to miss you MC Krispy E a.k.a “Enrique Pollazo!” And although you told me Enrique means Henry in Spanish and not Eric, it was too late!

Sidebar. The day I was discharged, while everyone was deciding what was best for me, no one had remembered that I would need clothes in order to leave the hospital. Eric shows up (unasked) with all the clothes I had on the day I coded, laundered and ready to go. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve friends like this but i need to keep doing it! Sidebar complete.

Rest in Peace Eric. “Be Good.”

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Writing Your First Book / Should I Self Publish?

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I had the distinct pleasure of  participating in a panel discussion on writing your first book, presented by the Harlem chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc.  Alongside Jim St. Germain, Author – A Stone of Hope: A Memoir and Dr. Keneshia Nicole Grant, Author – The Great Migration and the Democratic Party: Black Voters and the Realignment of American Politics in the 20th Century.  We opined on pain points, benefits and strategies regarding our inaugural voyages into authorship. Feel free to watch for your self and I hope this provides some insight to all those looking to make the same voyage. Enjoy!

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What the NFT is a BEEPLE?

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On March 11 this year, the digital artist Beeple sold a collage of digital images from his “Everydays” series for nearly 70 million dollars as an NFT, or non-fungible token. And if that sentence confuses you, you’re not alone.

A non-fungible token is a unit of data on a digital ledger called a blockchain, where each NFT can represent a unique digital item, and thus they are not interchangeable. NFTs can represent digital files such as art, audio, video, and other forms of creative work. While the digital files themselves are infinitely reproducible, the NFTs representing them are tracked on their underlying blockchains and provide buyers with proof of ownership.” – Wikipedia

Still confused? Let the artist himself explain it, and learn how he went from NFT newbie to making the third most expensive artwork by a living artist in three months. Not to suggest Beeple is an overnight success. The “Everydays” series alone involved creating a piece of art every day since May 1, 2007 – and he hasn’t missed a day.

Check out some of Beeple’s amazing and controversial work below.

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