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Google Cardboard : The Poor-Man’s Virtual Reality
Google Cardboard started as a tongue-in-cheek response to the expensive Oculus Rift Virtual Reality headgear. Like a smartass, Google said the same experience could be provided using a smartphone, some cardboard, and two lenses. They even offered instructions for free. Being a fan of anything smart-ass, I ordered one. Pre-made kits are available for the not so crafty. Iamcardboard.com sent me mine for $16 and off I went into the virtual realm. To my delight- THEY WERE RIGHT. Sort of.
It wasn’t exactly a Holodeck experience that would make Jean-Luc Picard enviously update the Enterprise’s operating system to Android Lollipop, but it was surprisingly immersive. The apps at this point are in their infancy, kind of “look what we can do”, yet still impressive. You can fly a plane, tour a museum, test-drive a Mercedes, shoot virtual asteroids, and kill zombies all in glorious 3-D. They aren’t very polished yet, but it’s easy to see the potential when developers get moving. Call of Duty in HD VR anyone? Even better, the possibilities extend far beyond gaming. There is a fantastic integration with Google Maps Street View and Photosphere. In addition, real estate companies, auto dealers, and hotels already have apps out peddling their wares in Virtual Reality. Sadly, I’ve yet to find a virtual Taco Bell experience.
With headphones, the experience is authentic enough to make you forget you have a box on your face.
The first app I tried was Cmoar Rollercoaster. Wow. The sense of speed and height are there convincingly enough that my stomach actually dropped and I got a little nauseous. There is also a badass DRAGON flying around – until it eats you suddenly to end the ride. Really cool, except for later, when it scared the sh*t out of my 5 year old daughter and got me yelled at by my wife because “SHE’S TOO YOUNG FOR THAT! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”
I was immediately hooked. It was late, but I had to have more. I found a game called Zombie Warfare. Shooting zombie strippers and bus drivers in 3-D? Sign me up. It requires a Bluetooth controller, which makes holding the Cardboard a problem. Without hesitation, I cut the waistband off of some underwear and fashioned an adjustable head strap using some Velcro strips. I also added foam padding for extra comfort/shame. Soon I was stumbling around banging into sh*t. This woke my wife. She found me shirtless in the kitchen, mid-zombie killing, with cardboard strapped to my head via underwear. I’m sure this turned her on incredibly but somehow she managed to restrain herself even after the foreplay of having her try on my makeshift head strap. Speaking of sexâŠ
Then there’s the porn. After seeing a YouTube video of people reacting to watching VR porn, I had to check it out. Strictly for educational purposes of course. I found some movie samples and prepared to get my mind blown or at least the Weird Science version of Kelly LeBrock. Instead what I got was a frightening tattooed man on top of me beating my newly acquired vagina like it ate the last of the Nutella. What I didn’t know was that some videos are made from the woman’s perspective. That’s cool if that’s your thing, but for me a 3-D money shot to the face is not on my bucket list. Next! The second video was again a woman’s POV, only this time they M. Night Shyamalan’d me with a twist ending: I was a squirter. Well done Internet, but NEXT! Finally, a girl appeared dancing enticingly in front of me with her business all up in my face so close I could almost smell the exploitation. It was kinda awesome and kinda pervy. It has one major flaw; the virtual world robs you of your real world sight. Getting caught watching it would seem inevitable. That’s a big problem for a discreet date with “Palmela Handerson.” I did come away with a new appreciation for what women endure during sex. That dude was soâŠangry.
For under $20 dollars, Google Cardboard is a must try. A small investment for the “wow” factor and a glimpse into the future of entertainment. The only downside for me was the durability (it’s cardboard), ruined underwear, and an unwanted penis or two. For something that started as a joke, Google did pretty well.
Almost every year for the past 6 years and on the same day, Iâve posted the same pic of me in the hospital during my temporary and untimely demise in 2015. A few weeks after I was back to ânormalâ, I asked Eric âWhyâd you take the pics?â And he said, âI knew you would want to write about it if you lived.â Eric was right. Eric was often right and Eric always had my best interest at heart. I am going to miss my friend.
You ever meet someone and become friends immediately?! Well this was not the case with Eric. Before he was my manager at Morgan Stanley, I would often see this 6â4″, giant white guy walk up to the only black woman at work, say something then walk away without any hint of human emotion. Naturally I thought he was a jerk until I asked her âYo, is that dude bothering you?â She laughed and proceeded to tell me he was a great person, which I ultimately got to experience first hand. Little did I know this Italian from Staten Island was more Brooklyn than most Brooklynites.
Eric was not with the shits!! If there were ever someone who lived their life in direct, honest and no uncertain terms, that would be Eric. He would ask me questions at work like âWhy are the other consultants making more money than you?â I knew the answer to that question and so did he. Eric then proceeded to increase my salary by 15K. After arguing with all our managers that âYou need to hire Alfred!â, they eventually did 1 year prior to the 2015 incident. In the hospital, one of my friends asked me, âWhat if you didnât have health insurance when this happened?â I would be in debt for the rest of my life is the obvious answer. I still am in debt for the rest of my life but at least, it is to those who made sure I had a more enjoyable life and for that, I will gladly repay.
My mom loved to tell me the story of how she met Eric. After they told her I was going to be in the ICU for some time, she told the doctor âWell Iâm not going anywhere.â She then hears a voice from that back of the room that says âWell Iâm not going anywhere either!â That was Eric and in true form, he was at that hospital every single day until I was discharged.
Eric passed away in December 2021 of stage 4 cancer. After feeling faint on his way to my bbq, he went to get checked out and was diagnosed. During the past 5 years, Eric lost his mom, twin brother and dad. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like but I’m glad that pain he was feeling is no more.
From being my manager to my business partner, writer, book editor, artistic director, and most importantly, my friend, I am going to miss you MC Krispy E a.k.a âEnrique Pollazo!â And although you told me Enrique means Henry in Spanish and not Eric, it was too late!
Sidebar. The day I was discharged, while everyone was deciding what was best for me, no one had remembered that I would need clothes in order to leave the hospital. Eric shows up (unasked) with all the clothes I had on the day I coded, laundered and ready to go. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve friends like this but i need to keep doing it! Sidebar complete.
Rest in Peace Eric. âBe Good.â
I had the distinct pleasure of participating in a panel discussion on writing your first book, presented by the Harlem chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc. Alongside Jim St. Germain, Author – A Stone of Hope: A Memoir and Dr. Keneshia Nicole Grant, Author – The Great Migration and the Democratic Party: Black Voters and the Realignment of American Politics in the 20th Century.  We opined on pain points, benefits and strategies regarding our inaugural voyages into authorship. Feel free to watch for your self and I hope this provides some insight to all those looking to make the same voyage. Enjoy!
