If you’re a geek, the cinematic world is your oyster, and next year is no exception. Here’s ten movies you’re sure to geek out over in 2017.
1. John Wick: Chapter 2
Directed by Chad Stahelski
With Keanu Reeves, Ian McShane
Humans love watching actors pretend to hurt and kill each other, but it’s harder to make an impact in a world drowning in violent entertainment. If you’re a stunt nerd, you should be having geekgasms at the thought of a second John Wick movie, directed by Chad Stahelski, the stunt coordinator whose fresh take on choreographed mayhem made the original a fan favorite.
2. Ghost in the Shell
Directed by Rupert Sanders
With Scarlett Johansson, Juliette Binoche
If early trailers are any indication, I’m gonna have some inappropriate erections in at least one movie theater in 2017.
3. Kong: Skull Island
Directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts
With Tom Hiddleston, John Goodman, Samuel L. Jackson, Brie Larson
Since the early 1930’s, humans have delighted in watching giant gorillas fall to their death off tall buildings. Peter Jackson’s 2005 rendition, flawed in parts, had the best Kong ever realized on film. This time around, Kong is much bigger, while John Goodman is decidedly smaller.
Directed by James Mangold
With Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart
Hugh Jackman is a good fit for Wolverine, but none of the movies are as good as the John Byrne, Frank Miller, or even John Buscema comics. I’m thinking this is Hugh’s last stand until we get a reboot that either does the character justice or drags it into Deadpool territory.
5. Alien: Covenant
Directed by Ridley Scott
With Michael Fassbender, James Franco
In space, no one can hear you make bad decisions. I kid Ridley Scott, who chose to direct this over the Blade Runner sequel he’s co-producing.
6. Spider-Man: Homecoming
Directed by Jon Watts
With Tom Holland, Micheal Keaton, Robert Downey Jr.
Come on, already! Another Spider-Man movie!? Geez. How much money am I gonna waste on this guy? Wait, Micheal Keaton is the Vulture? Just take my money.
7. War for the Planet of the Apes
Directed by Matt Reeves
With Woody Harrelson, Andy Serkis, Steve Zahn
Holy Zaius, they are taking their sweet time with this series. I’m looking forward to Doldrums of the Planet of the Apes, where Caesar mitigates a mid-life crisis during a weekend getaway with Billy Crystal and the late Bruno Kirby.
Directed by Christopher Nolan
With Tom Hardy, Cillian Murphy, Kenneth Branagh
I know it sounds weird, but there are World War II geeks aplenty on this planet (and I’m one of them). Couple that with Batman trilogy director Chris Nolan bringing back Tom Hardy and Cillian Murphy, as well as Thor director Kenneth Branagh… well, I just had to include it here. Looks pretty intense.
9. Blade Runner 2049
Directed by Denis Villeneuve
With Harison Ford, Jared Leto, Ryan Gosling
If this was the only movie on this list I’d be satisfied. There’s no way it will even come close to the original, but this new trailer gives me goosebumps. Ford’s latest “passing the baton” sequel is in the capable hands of Sicario director Denis Villeneuve. Now if the two of them would just get Gene Hackman out of retirement for a follow-up to The Conversation.
10. Justice League
Directed by Zack Snyder
With Amy Adams, Gal Gadot, Ben Affleck
To be honest, Batman and Superman have been getting screen-time since the nineteen forties and it’s getting a little old. The addition of these other heroes may spice it up, but honestly, my expectations are low for everyone but Cyborg. I’m thinking the success or failure of this one will dictate the future of ensemble super hero movies going forward. Oh, who am I kidding?
Review: Godzilla vs. Kong
Godzilla vs. Kong reminds me that I was an idiot as a child. I allowed the 4:30 Movie too significant a piece of my brain pie. I existed in a headspace where The Planet of the Apes and Gamera were more science than fiction. I was certain skyscraper-sized monsters lived in the woods a few blocks away, and that ghosts were under my bed. Somewhere in possibility-land, a black and white Lon Chaney slowly becomes a werewolf in a handful of dissolving frames.
Cut to my final form, and I can’t help but think these movies are just a total waste of time and resources. Sure, the effects can be impressive but often they have as much weight as a video game. Buildings smash into dust, an actor says a line against a green screen, then Kong sits on a throne like a stereotypical king. Ah doi!
Sure, the hollow Earth with upside-down mountains in the sky is cool – but where’s that sun coming from? The MechaGodzilla fight has some great effects, but you can watch those on Youtube without having to sit through a bunch of lines like “Kong bows to no one.”
Maybe I just can’t enjoy normal human things anymore.
Now that Captain America is Black…
Now that Captain America is Black
- Bucky Barnes will change his name to Summer Soldier Buckquan because “Nah son! we ain’t doing sh*t in the winter!”
- Fearing for their lives, Police officers will fire 751 shots at Cap in the 4th of many incidents to come.
- In a new altered timeline, Thanos will win due to Cap being detained by a routine traffic stop. “How can you afford Vibraniun on a government salary? Please step out of the vehicle sir.”
- Captain America will form a Rap group with Black Panther called “Black-America.” The group will not be received well but will eventually have all their intellectual property stolen for decades to come without any due repar… I mean royalties. #MESSAGE
- Racists will be utterly confused when they tell Captain America to “Go back to where you came from.” Equally confused, Cap will pack up all his belongings and stay put.
- Cap will be accused of stealing Thor’s hammer the next time he picks it up.
- Cap’s shield will be replaced with a Vibraniun PlayStation Controller since black men are more comfortable throwing that.
- The battle decree will officially be changed from “Avengers Assemble” to “Yerrrrr! It’s on sight!”
- After 40 years of service, Cap will travel back in time to 1998 to finally get that last dance with his true love, Laura Winslow. They will Cha Cha Slide to “Before I let Go” as the credits role.
- Upon retirement, those jaded with having an Af-Am do such an amazing job will appoint a failed real estate charlatan to take up the mantle. The New Cap will immediately try and grab Scarlet by her “Johansson” and declare himself the best Captain America that ever did it during his inauguration.
Chadwick Boseman Forever!!
It is clear that Chadwick Boseman chose iconic roles like Thurgood Marshall, James Brown, Jackie Robinson and Black Panther with deliberate intent and for a specific purpose. In an age where positive roles for Black actors is often sparse, Chadwick managed to land and portray historical figures that made most respect his talents if not revel in his ability to transition effortlessly for one character to another. Even I had to give his African accent a solid B+ (It’s the highest grade the Nigerian Standards Bureau can give for an African accent to a non African FYI.)
Holding out and preparing for these dynamic roles came with both great frustration and incredible resolve I’m certain. Not to mention the taxing ordeal of battling Colon Cancer as the grueling scheduling of filming and increasing responsibility for positive representation loomed. Even under extreme duress, Chadwick’s commitment to others appeared to outweigh his own tribulations, unbeknownst to us all.
Black Panther may have been just a movie to some and that may be because some can easily rattle off 10 movies with a king of non Af-Am origin. It represented a lot more to others. Albeit imagined, imagery on cinema often accomplishes more to augment the social narrative and society itself than actual reality. If negative stereotypes influence perception then positive ones absolutely have the same converse effect.
Even in jest, the cultural misappropriation of raisins in potato salad on SNL skits directly spoke to the tampering of black culture to which T’challa championed, represented and aptly responded “Oh hell Nah Karen!”
If you don’t understand the relevance of representation, it’s probably because you are thoroughly represented. After all, no one is ever grateful for every breath they take until they are gasping for air.
R.I.P Chadwick Boseman. Thank you for breathing life into the possibility of Black excellence.